Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
