my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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