Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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