I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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