Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, beer. Big fan.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
