You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
