I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
