Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
