You really coming over, don't trick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
