Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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