I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
