Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
