i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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