You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
