She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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