She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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