Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
