your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
