did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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