No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
