You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
