Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
