I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
