I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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