I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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