He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
