sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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