question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
