don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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