I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
no, he came in my armpit
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
