bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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