its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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