she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
