If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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