i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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