god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
