Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
