I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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