never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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