she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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