Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
