Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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