A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
