Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
