I feel like abortions should bother me more
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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