But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
