:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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