So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
