Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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