I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
