Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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