You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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