if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
