So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
