you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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