I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
