Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to walk on stilts...naked
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
