never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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