remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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