Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
