I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
