Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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