i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's always time for handjobs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
