Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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