i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
