Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
