who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
