You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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