I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
