Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
