They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
