he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He had one of those small greek statue penises
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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