your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
