Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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