I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
