I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
