This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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