oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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