Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
