Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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