Are we in a gay sports bar?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your cock deserves a montage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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