Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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