The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
as a side note pls kill me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
